Reflection – Avoidance

In avoidance, we simply find ways of avoiding having to face uncomfortable situations, things or activities. The discomfort, for example, may come from unconscious impulses.

Avoidance may include removing oneself physically from a situation. It may also involve finding ways not to discuss or even think about the topic in question.

For example: I dislike another person at work. I avoid walking past their desk. When people talk about them, I say nothing.

Or my son does not like doing homework. Whenever the subject of school comes up, he changes the topic. He also avoids looking directly at me.

Avoidance is a simple way of coping by not having to cope. When feelings of discomfort appear, we find ways of not experiencing them. According to the dynamic theory, avoidance is a major defense mechanism in phobias. And procrastination is another form of avoidance where we put off to tomorrow those things that we can avoid today.

So why do we avoid?

Why do we avoid/procrastinate doing things that we know are very important to us, demand very little effort and time, and would turn out to be very fruitful if we did them regularly?

Such as exercise, meditating for 3-5 mins, reading topics of interest for a few minutes per day, studying for some time, spending time on good habits every day, working on own independent research every day, avoid conflicting situations. I believe that this is a very common problem with slightly different scenarios. I also believe that there must be a scientific reason behind all this and well-studied psychological thought as well.

Minimal short term benefits / fast results: The world is pacing or we choose to observe it advance with such a speed that seems unfathomable. Everyone is in a hurry. We want quick outcome out of whatever we do. People expect to get toned muscles in three months, master yoga within no time or read the Ayurvedic literature and quickly get the most out of it. And so on. The patience level is also decreasing gradually in the masses.

When you think that it is difficult or times consuming to achieve that goal, the brain in the end evaluates such tasks as not fruitful and avoids or procrastinates it. Sometimes it completely makes sense, but other times we have to understand the time factor, the learning curve of doing that task.

Our Brain is in a routine: Your brain is awesome in the matters where there is repetition involved or whose frequency of occurrence is high. For example: Changing the gears of your motorcycle while riding. Remembering to have your breakfast, lunch or dinner, or as simple as your walking style. Your brain gets into such a routine that most of the tasks would be done without you even actually noticing it. Procrastination or ignoring important activities could also get into this routine. Try to break that routine. “Change is important”.

Avoiding change: We live in a society, where our thinking and mentality is molded by the people we are surrounded with, our surroundings, our comfort zone. Our actions and thoughts are in equilibrium with our living ecosystem. If we try to change something within this ecosystem, there will be adjustments which would happen. Sometimes we fear those adjustments, or avoid such things to happen. Try to embrace that change.

Lack of determination: Hans Dholakia, Motivational Life Coach,… Because our knowledge hasn’t matured into realized wisdom and we haven’t added will to what we desired. Usually until some major suffering strikes, we don’t really wake up. Spiritually, it is the work which is within us and neurologically, it is a complex process where many forces work.

Resource: https://www.quora.com/Why-do-we-avoid-procrastinate-doing-things-that-we-know-are-very-important-to-us-demand-very-little-effort-and-time-and-would-turn-out-to-be-very-fruitful-if-we-did-them-regularly

And what can we do to avoid avoiding?

In effect, we can rewire our habit-driven neural circuits by making small changes and gradually picking the harder tasks. The Yoga route: Daily pranayama and meditation will deepen the introspective insights and as we understand better, we can connect the dots and intensify the will, by and by.

To get us to face what we are avoiding, you may have to corner ourselves or otherwise present the situation where we are unable to avoid the situation. If the discomfort is very strong, we may fight back hard, so be careful in what you confront yourself with and who you involve!

Give yourself a choice of two actions, one of which is something you know that you tend to avoid or which is likely to be less desirable. You will pick the path you want in order to avoid the less desirable way.